Hey hey! I'm back

Been really depressed about losing my 1968 cougar... So I have not wanted to talk to no one.
The interview went really well! But since I do not have local running car. I can not get the job, because I have to drive I think about 30 miles to go to training... So I am stuck working at Arby's till I can work something out. So right now I am thinking of moving again. There are a few places I can move at the moment, Just not sure where yet.....
I will definitely keep you all updated. I really appreciate your opinions and support, it really means a lot to me. Thank you very much.

Wow long night.

Well I got to work for my shift, and the shift before me did not do none of their clean up. So I was stuck with 2 shifts worth of cleanup tonight. Took us over 3 hours to do what should have only taken about 1 hour. I was so backed up with dishes it wasn't even funny. Plus it's 5 items for $5.95, and most people usually pick 5 roast beef sandwiches, so ya, it was a really long night.
One of my managers, the only one I even like at all, has a job interview with Culvers tomorrow too, looks like she might be my manager at Culvers too! So that's a definite plus in my book! Now.... I just got to see if I can get a ride to my interview or not...... Or else I'm screwed..... This is something God holds in his hands for me, I only pray he's not holding it back.
Well good night every one.

Going to be a bad week....

Arby's has me closing almost all week again... But now it's by myself. No more 2 people closing... And they expect me to have the machinery, counters, dishes and the floors all cleaned within an hour.... Man, they sure ask for a lot from people!
Well I am off to another night at work. Wish me luck.....

Kinda happy.

I got called by Culvers again, they are really looking for people, so it looks like I got my foot in the door there.
A lot of people have quit on Arby's this weekend too, they are well understaffed. So looks like I might get my hours back there too. But I would still rather go to Culvers.

Fun night!

I don't have much money right now, but I get payed Saturday.
So I treated myself to a few drinks and tonight was Fish Frye Friday. So I had Fried fish for dinner! Oh man was it good too! I had a decent time tonight, and I enjoyed myself. Sure wish I could of had someone around to enjoy it with though, so that brought it down a notch. Other then that, the night was great!
Now off to bed with me, so I can get up, open a bank account, and cash my check.

Yay!!

Ok so Culvers called this morning. And guess who has an interview!? Yes! I got it! I go in next week and get an interview! Now..... I just got to figure out how to get there........ Haha, if it ain't one thing, it's another I tell ya. But I am still happy as all googlies!
Totally made my day today, let me tell ya.

Home Alone.

Ok.. So my friend left today to Florida to get married, and will be gone for about 3 weeks. So now I get to sit at home and be alone for 3 weeks with nothing to do. Kinda a real bore if you ask me.
There is a fish frye tomorrow night at the local bar, and I don't have enough money to go to it, there's another bummer for you. I loves me fichy.
Well they are cutting hours at work again, and I am at the top of the list for another cut. One of the guys I talk to a lot there got his hours cut down to 19 hours, which don't even pay for his gas getting back and forth to work. I am still waiting for a call from Culvers. I hope that happens soon.
Sorry, really bitchy lately, something is bothering me, and I can't quite figure out what it is yet......

A thought...

Ok so I get my hours cut right? And then I get sent home early everyday too.... So why cut my hours at all if your just going to send me home? I mean really, come on!
But here is what I am thinking, if nothing comes of theses other apps I put in. When school starts next month, they are going to lose a lot of workers, so now I may have a chance to get all my hours back. But I am hoping to get in at Culvers right next to Arby's. They are still building the store though. But their food is so damn awesome.
Yesterday morning when I came into work, none of the closing shifts work was done, and they hadn't restocked my lines for the beef and market fresh sides. So I was stuck all morning doing restock and also a large party platter, all at the same time. And doing orders back there that came in, alone. So ya, yesterday was absolute BS inn my book. And to think, now tonight I have to close... Not to happy about that one either.
Man I hate my job.

Bored.

Ya nothing new really on my end. Been really bored lately.
Got my hours cut at work again, but what's new there? I applied for another job, hoping I can get it, and get out of the fast food for awhile. Other then all that, nothing new going on here at all. Just sleep and work every damn day.

Sick.

Well sorry I have not said hi in 2 days, but I been feeling pretty sick, and had to call into work yesterday.
A friend I met about 4 years ago on a game I use to play came up yesterday from a town about an hour or so south from me. He brought his PC and we did some online gaming, and went out to eat. Me and this guy use to get into arguments all the time about the game, and I would ban him from the game server I usually played on. The game we played had dedicated servers that people would make, and I usually ran 1 or 2 of them, and it would drive him nuts when I would ban him for suspected cheating. But I never kept him out for long, and we never really hated each other. So it was pretty cool that he came up and seen me. We had a good time, and it put a smile on my face. So I think missing a day of work was worth it, even for that small amount of time I was smiling.
Well, I got to get ready to slave some more at Arby's.

Weeeee!

Ok so my friend went out with me tonight, had a few drinks and some pizza.
We had a most awesome time, and I am not sure he what he thinks of me when I'm drunk, but it was cool to have some one to go out with. So kudos to good friends!

Good day.

For some really weird reason I had a really good day at work today. So yay me. Not sure why, but I did. So I thought I would just share that with everyone.

Yay.

My friends got me a new bed by the way.
When I came here all they had for me was an air mattress with a leak in it. So when I would go to bed, I had to start the electric pump and air it up. I would wake up in the morning swallowed by the dang thing. So now they got me a Futon... So I guess that's some good news....

I'm sorry

I been way to depressed to really want to talk to anyone or to type on here. A lot of things are happening right now that I just can't seem to put my finger on. But I am in a really confused and hateful state at the moment, and don't have a lot to say about anything or anyone.
But on a side note, I got a really pretty white Rat last night who is just as gentle as gentle can be. So this is kinda helping me cope at the moment.
I will still say stuff on here, but won't be much till I am not so cornfizzled.
Thanks to every one who has read this and has made comments and been supportive, I really appreciate it.

Sad again.

My Grannie has been in and out of the hospital here the last few weeks since I have been here in Wisconsin. She had a minor stroke the first time, and then trouble breathing. She has advanced emphysema. So this might have a lot to do with my dark mood lately. I'm trying to get some emergency time so I can go out to Arkansas and see her before my Aunt taker her to Oregon..... As far as I know right now though.... My brother says she is ok.

*Insanity*

**WARNING**
Some people may not want to read farther.
*Insanity*
Welcome to my little world. Come inside and sit a spell. Would you care for a little slice of insanity?
I'm at a point now where I just don't care, don't feel, don't think, don't even wonder. I'm at a point where I see people but yet don't notice them. I don't care to talk, move or even breath. I'm stuck in a never ending spiral and I just keep sliding. Never to end up any where at any time. I can not see the bottom and can no longer see the top. I sit and think about nothing, hating everything. Killing myself on the inside to move away from any and all emotion. Love to me is unreal, feeling no longer exist. I just want to scream and yell and tell every one to fuck off and go fly a kite. I have reached a point where the only thing real is the blackness that surrounds me. The evil and the hate. Emotions of love and happiness no longer exists. I just want the world to end, for everything to just stop one day and no longer exist. I live a life of total solitude. I like it here in my shell where no one can get to me. Where I no longer have to hear the lies, and feel the false love around me. I my self no longer exist, I have been replaced with something dark and evil. I see things now that I have never seen before. I know now that nothing is as it seems, and never will be. Life is only a false image that we choose to see and feel. Most of us do not care what is below the surface. But I have fallen down to these lower depths, and I feel life's source flow from me to be replaced with something I can't say. I feel a whole new energy around me in this dark Spiral of doom. I sense a life of hatred slowly consuming me. I feel the hands of evil caressing my back and soothing my wounds. I feel evils encouragement slowly pulling me into an abyss that none can ever understand. My eyes are no longer shrouded from things in life that people refuse to see. My senses are clearer and more vivid. I hear things beyond this life and world we live in. I have been chosen to be the one that deals with hate. I have been appointed he who stands without the support of lies and dishonesty. And every day I slip further and further from this thing you call life. I have seen and felt the other side. I have absorbed and enjoyed that which we call hatred. This is my insanity, and my insanity alone. It is my burden to bear, and bear it with pride I shall. Here in my world there is no love or happiness, only that which burns and destroys. I no longer have a heart, hearts or for those that are living. I no longer live, I just exist. And my existence is above that of what we call life. I can look down on the world from the tower of hatred I now stand on, and rule over. I can see the lies and trickery that people use every day of their life, and I have moved beyond all that. I have reached the top, and I am sure one day I shall fall, but for now, I shall bask in this eternal hatred. I shall rule over this dark life I now have. I shall look and judge accordingly, and hold back no judgment for nothing any more.
THIS IS MY LIFE, THIS IS MY INSANITY!
This is just a really odd thing that came into my head and I felt it needed to be wrote down for all to read that cared to see into that which is dark and morbid. We all have this inside us somewhere, we just refuse to see it. Just don't take this as something that is really me, it's just the monster I needed to let out.

Another turn.... For the better.

Ok I went into work today, almost got into a fight, and handed my name tag to my manager and told him things are not changing, I'm out.
He stopped me and we had a really long discussion about everything, and I calmly and politely explained how I felt about all of it. Told him I felt I was getting the bad end of things around there. I told him that I felt that the way he was handling things lately was just not proper.
He ran everything down to me in a way that I could understand everything and told me that he would talk with the two people that are causing me the grief. My manager and I got things straightened out between us, and he said he really did not know I felt stepped on so much and we made amends on both sides. I got some extra time in tonight. Plus had an extra 16 hours added onto my schedule for next week.
One of the guys I had an issue with, we worked things out tonight too. I pulled him off to the side and we talked about it, so I think him and I are going to be ok now.
But the other guy... He may be getting canned. My manager is going to have a talk with him and tell him to lay off. If he doesn't, he faces a write up and possible expulsion. So I finally have the manager on my side of things. There was a lot more to everything that happened, cause we had to have talked for atleast an hour. But I felt a lot better because I got everything out of my system, which is kinda hard for me. And I think my manager has more respect for me now too for doing that. Only time will tell..... But hell! I got an extra 16 hours tacked on to my 28 hour schedule next week!
Ha! This makes my night! Let me tell yah!
Well I'm going to go relax and have a little Crown Royal and play some Pogo for a little while!
Will let you all know how it goes over the next few nights at work.
Oh.. On a side note. I went out last night and had a few drinks and tried to have a good time, and failed miserably. I think that's why I was so moody tonight. But I did get another job offer though, doing vinyl siding on houses for $12.00 and hour. So there's some more good news.

I'm confused...

Ok I went into work today, sat down to a sandwich, and was getting ready to clock in, in a few. Then the guy I have all the issues with comes in. Apparently he had the 10 am to 6 pm shift, and he didn't show up till about 5. So the manager talks with him, and he said he really didn't know that he was suppose to be in that early. So my manager comes and tells me to just go home for today and come in tomorrow on my day off. He gave the other guy my hours...... So being the useless stupid nice guy I am, I said OK.
Now I must be a moron, why help this guy out who causes all the damn problems, and bring down the guy that works circles around him? My hours were cut this week from 40 down to 32, and now next week my hours are down to 28. But that other guys are still at 40. Is there something wrong here? Do I really deserve to be treated so poorly? Have I really done something so wrong to deserve such treatment? Or is it because I am white, and the other 2 trouble makers are black? Are they worries that something might happen if they treat those 2 the way they deserve to be treated? Are they afraid they might get a lawsuit if they cut their hours? Even though they don't do good work? Maybe I should contact the labor board? Wonder if they would be able to help, or offer any advice in any way?
This is the kinda shit that makes me so sick.

Turn of events....

Well I had an early day at work today. 11 AM to 7 PM. One of the guys I been having issues with came in at 5 tonight. He came in running his mouth like usual.
He called my partner stupid and then called me a punk.... Oh man, never call me a punk. Call me anything you want, just not that. So we each went to a different manager (there were 3 in tonight) and they busted his chops for it. He was quiet for a little while, till about 6:30. The he started talking about - "If people would quit telling lies about me." "It's just because I'm black." "Can't they just leave a brother alone, the stupid assholes." And a bunch of other racist pointing comments, trying to make it look like we were out to get him. I hate people like that. So about 5 minutes of that, I got fed up and said I was leaving, this was just pure shit. Because the managers weren't saying nothing. And this is the guy that got my damn hours cut a work. So when I was going to clock out, my manager pulled me into the office and talked it out with me. And they went and busted his chops again.
So I decided to just get off the beef line and go clean the dishes. I started cleaning the stuff outta the dishwater so I could replace it. Reached in and cut my damn hand on one of our super sharp knifes.... Man did I do a little stomping!? And I got into trouble for being loud...
Then the manager came by talking about the whole issue with that guy was just a misunderstanding... Explain that? He called my partner stupid, and me a punk, and did nothing but bitch and damn complain the whole damn night. What the hell is this fucking world coming to!?
Couldn't win for fucking losing tonight, but I did get my watch replaced at Walmart... If that counts for anything.... Just a $10 watch anyway.
So there's my day in a nutshell......

Ok so....

On the brighter side of things right now.
I talked to another manager from another Arby's. I said I was looking to put in a transfer. She said to transfer to her store because she needs a trainer there. Said she would promote me to trainer if I went there. So I think I might do that. As soon as I get my damn Jeep running of course...... So atleast SOME things are looking up for me.... Not a lot, but some...
Only time will tell in the end.
Oh, I think I also found a 3 Bedroom house, all I need now is to find a room mate to help share the rent on it. So yay me!
Still in a dark dark mood though....

Oh yea...

Happy 4Th.....

Friends? Fuck 'em!

Ok remember the thing about the friend from CA? I thought he was coming out? Well low and behold.... Guess who IS moving in with her? Yup, he's getting ready to move out there soon. Stupid no good backstabbing fucking bastard. He is the reason she didn't want nothing to do with me. Ain't that some pretty fucked up shit? Ya.... You know... I don't feel like saying anymore right now. Just going so sit by myself like I always do and sulk, because she can have what ever she wants, and I get nothing. Ain't this a wonderful fucking life?

I hate people.

I think people in general are backstabbing no good dirty rat bastards.
Some puke at work knows my wages and told one of his friends about it. So that's a definite no no, Discussing wages.
Then he kept talking rude to me and trying to get me to clean shit he should have been doing anyways. Trying to get me to sweep when I was busy preparing food. And a few other things. I looked him in the eye and told him no, to do it his damn self. So he goes and tells my fucking manager that I was discussing my wages and had his friend tell him too. So needless to say, I got chewed out by my freakin manager..... I really hate people.
To make shit worse, today was suppose to be my day off. I got called in and had to work from 4:30 PM till 10 PM. And I was suppose to freakin go out tonight and have some fun. Well there fucking goes all that. So ya, fuck my life. I will never get any where, or be happy at this rate. If I get my hours cut next week I'm just going to go look for a new job and quit this one, It's all fucking bull shit in the highest degree.
Sorry for the extreme venting... But man, I just want to hit someone right now. It's just totally screwed up.