My life's decision.....
Ok I talked to my ex this morning... We were talking about her getting a new job and all, and her needing someone to help take care of the kids. Then the discussion came up about me moving back with her... Man was my head all fucked up today. Totally screwed my day up. I really had to think about that one. I really, really wanted to go back, but then something hit me. It's not her I want anymore.
There is this very, very special person in my life that I was just not seeing.. I had my blinders on and refused to see what was really there. It turns out that I am really more in love with this person then I am with my X.
I admitted my feelings to her and told her all about how I really felt. I could not put all my feelings into words for it kind of scared me when I was telling her all this. It felt so weird to let me emotions and feelings out with her. I really don't know how to explain it, I just know that it was one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to just let it out. I didn't even know I really cared this much. To be honest I'm still pretty confused right now about this whole thing.
When I told her, she was absolutely speechless about the whole thing. She had to hang up with me and go and get some cigarettes just to calm down. I'm kind of worried I might have scared her, and pushed her away a little bit.
Look at me ramble on here about all this like some little school girl....
If it wasn't for her, and my feelings towards her, I think I would have made one of the worse decisions in my life. Just think.... If I didn't accept the way I really felt about her.... I could be on my way back to that hell hole I was in before fooling myself, thinking things would work out with us. I have forgiven my X for everything she has done to me. But I don't think I can ever feel for her the way I feel for this girl.
I am righting about this right now because I am really confused and I need to get this out of my system so I can look at it from the outside and see that what I am saying is really the truth. As I right this out I can feel deep down that I really feel the way that I am saying in this. And I pray that she can come out here and be with me really soon.
I know that this is the right choice for me. I am tired of looking for someone who really cares about me, when the person who really does has been staring me in the face this whole time through.
Man, I'm going in circles here. I'm all full of feelings I never really expected to feel. I feel so alive right now. Like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I really truly feel she is the right person for me. I know deep down that this is NOT a rebound situation. I swore to my self that no matter what decision I make. I was jumping in with both feet. And this is really what I want. I want to be with someone who cares for me for who I am. Not just some low life who will watch their kids for them.
I know she is right for me. And I don't care what anyone else thinks or has to say about it.
I have made up my mind. And I'm sticking to it. I have never went back on a decision, or given up on anything. And like I said before, I will NOT give up this time either.
I just really pray that she feels the same way, and that I don't scare her off with my feelings.
There is this very, very special person in my life that I was just not seeing.. I had my blinders on and refused to see what was really there. It turns out that I am really more in love with this person then I am with my X.
I admitted my feelings to her and told her all about how I really felt. I could not put all my feelings into words for it kind of scared me when I was telling her all this. It felt so weird to let me emotions and feelings out with her. I really don't know how to explain it, I just know that it was one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to just let it out. I didn't even know I really cared this much. To be honest I'm still pretty confused right now about this whole thing.
When I told her, she was absolutely speechless about the whole thing. She had to hang up with me and go and get some cigarettes just to calm down. I'm kind of worried I might have scared her, and pushed her away a little bit.
Look at me ramble on here about all this like some little school girl....
If it wasn't for her, and my feelings towards her, I think I would have made one of the worse decisions in my life. Just think.... If I didn't accept the way I really felt about her.... I could be on my way back to that hell hole I was in before fooling myself, thinking things would work out with us. I have forgiven my X for everything she has done to me. But I don't think I can ever feel for her the way I feel for this girl.
I am righting about this right now because I am really confused and I need to get this out of my system so I can look at it from the outside and see that what I am saying is really the truth. As I right this out I can feel deep down that I really feel the way that I am saying in this. And I pray that she can come out here and be with me really soon.
I know that this is the right choice for me. I am tired of looking for someone who really cares about me, when the person who really does has been staring me in the face this whole time through.
Man, I'm going in circles here. I'm all full of feelings I never really expected to feel. I feel so alive right now. Like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I really truly feel she is the right person for me. I know deep down that this is NOT a rebound situation. I swore to my self that no matter what decision I make. I was jumping in with both feet. And this is really what I want. I want to be with someone who cares for me for who I am. Not just some low life who will watch their kids for them.
I know she is right for me. And I don't care what anyone else thinks or has to say about it.
I have made up my mind. And I'm sticking to it. I have never went back on a decision, or given up on anything. And like I said before, I will NOT give up this time either.
I just really pray that she feels the same way, and that I don't scare her off with my feelings.
posted by Unknown at 14:26
4 Comments:
congratulations on making the decision that you feel is right for you! I hope the other person agrees, or do you already know that?
LibbY!
Kinda funny, we have the same reaction to our situation: "sound like a litte school girl", "I don't want to scare her off". I said the same shit...still do.
Go with it.
If it is a rebound situation - it'll work itself out. If not - you're lucky.
Just don't marry her yet.
Thanks you 2. You both have been pretty supportive.
Not a problem hun.
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